Look at the method the guy with pride grins right up from the you from the cell phone screen as he dangles their Hook during the day between the foot of their cargo jeans-clothed foot! You comprehend men and women pouches are merely full of carabiners, hooks, and you will zip-ties! Imagine the lovely Boy Scout your decided to go to elementary college which have. Consider the way they have been very useful and you can realized all the different kinds of tangles? Ok, today picture them grown up-up-and declining to Venmo you $250 to own their 1 / 2 of the new abortion. Today visualize him rising towards the sun, he phone calls “nature’s alarm clock.” Frankly, I am not sure that is bad.
Nebraska: The brand new Armchair Quarterback
You’ve been through three (3) java tables this year because your boyfriend, a keen armchair quarterback out of Nebraska, does not want to prevent crushing all of them during the rage whenever his cluster manages to lose. The guy categorically won’t accept that the participants are unable to tune in to him of their family room and you will, as a result, their post-fumble “Get real. ” scream try noisy. Every Saturday, unfalteringly, you may be often paying attention to him name every mentor and player a great fucking moron, or freezing at tailgate – never ever at the real game, whether or not. He’ll never ever mastered one season in which he is almost a third-string walk-towards kicker into the Huskers, and because the guy covers every thing the latest damn date, neither might you.
Nevada: The latest Perma-Bachelor
If perhaps my suit match myself plus Bradley Cooper’s performed in the Hangover, thinks this new Vegas Fuckboy, next my life would-be over. Truth be told there the guy happens, prowling from the pub with his top undone one option also of a lot, slurring their conditions and you can sloshing his martini. Only if they tasted as good as they look, the guy miracle in order to himself. Never inquire him when planning on taking away from their spectacles, as they are concealing a couple of crusted, bloodshot vision which were just after innocent and you will laden with existence. He’s now a strolling people servers, recurring to help you his family members: “You are getting partnered? Loss! It is the single lifetime for my situation, brah!”, being unsure of he will feel destined to grow an excellent paunch, let his pricey suit be tarnished and you may horrible, and become among the Vegas video slot grandmas, thumbing quarters for the host and you may consuming a two-liter bottle away from eating plan Coke, looking to earn the latest prize away from his lost teens.
“Hi girl, didn’t We view you during the Tri-Kap dager last week?” was a typical starting gambit of your own The Hampshire Fuckboy whom try Rich But Embarrassed Regarding it. An excellent Dartmouth people through and through, he is the greatest eyes away from button-downs, khaki shorts, and a blazer which might be used in the formals and in addition during the their dad’s boat club. Inquire your downright in the event that he could be rich, he’ll stop wasting time to inform your his family do not individual good personal squirt – it’s only a risk from inside the a discussed G6 between a number of my mГёte Australske kvinner dad’s company lovers. In which he does not have any a residence to your Nantucket, it is simply a tiny summer-house on seashore near the Obamas’ lay. An enjoyable key if you want to place your toward location – inquire your to help you pronounce title off their very costly observe (Audemars Piguet) and watch him squirm.
The latest Mexico: The latest Connect
The new Mexico, they state, is the home of spell, a wilderness in which their journey fantasies may come genuine. It’s closer to a dusty horror where in fact the men smell like dust and smegma. Your brand-new Mexican fuckboy, if the he’s out of Albuquerque, might be far too wanting to assist you landmarks out-of Cracking Crappy – you understand, you to definitely domestic you could place a pizza pie to, otherwise one amazingly meth motel – once the that’s all he has got. That, along with his “I’m the person who knocks” shirt (stained), a wide-brimmed hat (will not match), and you can Heisenberg sunglasses (in reality a tiny rigid so they search in and leave purple, welt-such as for example indents to the their direct). When the he’s out-of Santa Fe, expect a comparable but with talks regarding the Ayahuasca so monotonous it is possible to should hurl on your own off the high cliffs during the Los Alamos.